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by Amy Grabowski, M.A. from ANAD newsletter Many times in the ANAD newsletter, a recovered anorexic or bulimic will say how important it was for her to learn to like herself. For many of our readers, however, this seems like a foreign concept, and they have no clue as to where to begin. It is very important to learn to like yourself and very difficult to explain how. It may help if we first look at what we do when we want others to like us. When we want to be someone’s friend, we treat him or her with kindness and respect. Many people, however, do not or will not do these same things for themselves. In fact, they get it backward. They think, " I have to like myself before I treat myself nicely." If you did that with other people, and if you said, " I’m not going to treat them nicely until they like me", they never would. It is the same with liking yourself. It sort of blossoms after that. One thing I tell my clients to do is to listen to the messages they give themselves. When I was anorexic and bulimic, I would beat myself unmercifully. For instance, if I ate more than I thought I should, I would think, "Oh, you worthless pig! You’re no good! You are always messing up!" Sound familiar? In order to stop this abusive thought pattern, I needed to gain some objectivity. I would mentally put my friend, Sue, in my place and say to myself, " If Sue did what I just did, would I call her a worthless pig and tell her she is no good?" Never! I would let her know I still care about her and that she is lovable, even though she made a mistake. I would help her learn from her mistakes and help her find ways to avoid repeating them. I then began to apply that same caring attitude toward myself. In addition, when I did something well and began to disqualify or diminish the positive, I would stop myself and say, "Would I tell Sue that her work doesn’t count and that anyone could have done it?" No! I would compliment her and pat her on the back for a job well done. Again, I needed to give that encouragement to myself, too. Positive self talk is not a skill that can be developed overnight. It is something you will have to work on and practice. In order to learn to like yourself, first be aware of the negative messages that you give yourself and say, "Would I say this to a friend?" Then turn around and tell yourself what you would say to her. You see, what you are learning to do is to treat yourself like a best friend, a new best friend . . . YOU! |
