by Margo Maine, Ph.D.

When men hear "eating disorders" they often tune out, thinking this is a problem just for women, so they have no need to listen. Eating disorders do occur primarily in females (90-95% of the reported cases to date are women), but since men relate to these women as fathers, brothers, grandfathers, friends, uncles, teachers, coaches, or colleagues they need basic information about these problems. With this, men may become part of the battle against the causes of eating disorders, so that the women they love will not endanger their lives in the pursuit of the "perfect body."

Eating disorders are extremely complicated, with many factors leading young women into the dangerous territory of anorexia nervosa, bulimia, and related problems. Food, weight, and body image have a special meaning to women that men must appreciate in order to help to prevent eating disorders and to support the recovery process of those who suffer from them.

Dieting and Body Dissatisfaction: A Rite of Passage

Today we are raising children in a culture obsessed with the technology of body change. The dieting, fitness, and cosmetic industries all promise a perfect body, if you buy the right products. This "perfect" body promises to solve all of your problems, guarantee happiness, and answer all your questions about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. In less than 10 years, the dieting industry in the U.S. doubled its gross income to over $33 billion/year in the late 80’s. By the mid-90’s, its projected income will be $50 billion!

Women are the primary target of these industries. Advertising campaigns capitalize on the natural desire women have to please others and on their willingness to change things about themselves to achieve this goal. Consequently, 40-50% of American women are dieting at any one moment in time. Girls learn (watching their mothers and other female role models) that they too should be critical and rejecting of their bodies. Dieting has become a rite of passage, a normal way to become part of the adult female world. In fact, one U.S. study found that 50% of nine-year-old girls and 80% of ten-year-old girls had already dieted! (Of these, only 15% were overweight. Most dieters are already at a normal weight!) Other studies report smaller percentage of elementary school girls are dieting. Nevertheless, research demonstrates that many children are preoccupied with weight and dissatisfied with their bodies.

For adolescent girls, weight and self-esteem are closely linked. While boys identify a broad range of characteristics when asked to describe themselves, girls focus on weight and shape as the primary ingredients of their self-assessment. Control of appetite and food intake easily become indicators of self-worth. Since dieting is a precursor of eating disorders, this places all girls in Western cultures at risk to develop such problems.

Men often have difficulty understanding how important calories, fat, weight, and shape can be to women. It is really very simple. Women are raised to please other people, to be concerned with others’ opinions, to place others’ needs ahead of their own, and to be good-looking to others. When women encounter constant messages from advertising and the cultural environment that stress dieting and pursuing a "perfect body," they often feel compelled to do these things since their role is to be beautiful and to meet others’ expectations. Thus, when men often say to a dieting spouse, sister, girlfriend, or daughter, "Oh, just eat," they are not appreciating the meaning that food, shape and weight have in her life.

Confusion

The role of women in Western culture has changed dramatically in the past 25 years. Although the feminist movement of the late 1960’s and early 1970’s has enriched many women’s lives, it has also contributed to uncertainty about the basis of femininity. Many girls are confused about how aggressive or competitive they should be, being fearful of offending others. Competing with their bodies, trying to be the thinnest or most muscular, is often a way of avoiding the self-doubt they experience when they think about their futures. They hope to succeed at least in having an acceptable, idealized thin body because they doubt they can succeed in others ways or are unsure of what their goals should be.

Eating Disorders & Power

Eating disorders are always associated with poor self-esteem and inadequacy, a feeling that "I’m not good enough . . . if I were skinny . . ." They are also associated with feelings of powerlessness. The only way people with eating disorders feel they can assert themselves and have some power is through excessive control of their bodies. Not eating, purging, or exercising for hours are mistaken expressions of personal power. These maladaptive efforts to gain power through one’s appearance make sense once you consider economic facts. Women’s earning in industrial nations still trail far behind that of men. For example, in the U.S., college-educated women earn less than male high school graduates, and in only two "professions" do women earn more than men: Modeling and prostitution. This further validates the importance of appearance to women. Many erroneously conclude that their only asset is their body and that weight determines their personal power. When economic and social systems exhibit such values, women are likely to reduce their personal worth to a number on a scale.

A Basic Need: Male Approval

Girls often believe that by showing their ability to control their weight, appetites, and bodies, they will please their fathers and the other men in their lives. As they approach adolescence, male approval naturally becomes more and more important to them. Simultaneous with the need for male approval, girls experience bodies and appetites that are becoming fuller and bigger, coupled with increased awareness of the messages that dieting and self-control around food are critical to women. Usually, fathers are paying less and less attention to their daughters at this age, making the messages from the media and peers particularly powerful. Yearning for approval, affection, and acceptance from the opposite sex, women of all ages will manipulate their bodies and their weight, ignoring the potential dangers to their health.

How Can Men Help to Prevent Eating Disorders?

Men can help in the battle against eating disorders in many ways. First, fathers need to accept how important they are to their daughters. They often feel that girls only need their moms, especially during adolescence. Yet this is the time when male approval is most crucial to girls. Over the course of their relationship, adolescence is probably the most challenging time for a father and daughter. This is also the time eating disorders are most likely to develop, so men must find positive ways to relate to their daughters. All men can contribute to the health of young women by understanding eating disorders and adhering to the following guidelines:

Helpful Hints for Fathers

Helpful Hints For All Men Concerned About Eating Disorders

Ask yourself these questions:

One last hint: When women feel valued, heard, respected, and equal, they do not have to diet to feel powerful. What can you do to help this happen for the women in your lives?

Recommended Reading

Fanning, P., McKay, M. (1993). Being a Man, Oakland, CA.: New Harbinger

Levine, M. (1994). "Beauty Myth and the Beast: What Men Can Do and Be To Help Prevent Eating Disorders". Eating Disorders: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention. 2(2), 101-113.

Maine, M. (1991). Father Hunger: Fathers, Daughters & Food. Carlsbad, CA.: Gurze Books

Otherson, S. (1992). Wrestling With Love: How Men Struggle With Intimacy, N.Y.: Fawcett-Columbine.

Pruett, K (1992). The Nurturing Father: Journey Toward The Complete Man, N.Y.: Warner.

For more information, contact EDAP